January 29, 2026
Dear Sophia,
When your mother was pregnant, she confronted fears that once she had you, she would in some sense become invisible. Invisible to me, and to others. She worried she would lose herself. And those fears have come to pass.
Last night she was really struggling. You were crying and would not be comforted. I reached to comfort you and your mother said, “I need comfort too.” She said it with some anger limning the sadness and frustration. I took you and began moving you in various ways and you calmed down.
Your mom left the room. Before long, I could hear her speaking very insistently, and through tears. I couldn’t hear what she was saying, and though I was very curious, I didn’t get up and move closer to find out. I gave her the space I thought she might want.
This morning she said she had been talking to the little girl inside her, telling her, in essence, “I won’t leave you. I won’t leave you.”
She also told me, “I worry that I am losing the fun and playful part of myself in all this motherly anxiety. And I don’t know where to put that part of myself.”
I had earlier told her she was doing an amazing job, and she now went on. “I know I’m doing an amazing job. I know I can comfort her. But the part of myself that comforts her isn’t available to comfort me, the little girl in me that still wants to be seen, or the part of me that’s afraid I am becoming invisible. I need someone to comfort me.”
I let her words sink in.
“Yes, of course,” I said. “We will do that.”
And so we are.
Love,
Dad
